I want my life to be a quest for whole, integrated authenticity.
Because if I am whole I will be be healthy. I will have reconciled my humanly brokenness with the healing of the cross. The holes my shortcomings and failures have drilled will be filled by the wholeness of Christ.
And if I’m a whole person each aspect of my life will be integrated. My morning prayer will have bearing on my afternoon run. My daily devotions will remain potent in the day’s work. My weekly tasks will have Sunday morning’s sermon and songs written on them. Individual boxes to divide my life up will not exist. There will not be levels of sacred, secular, and other. There will not be parts of my day that are insignificant or purposeless. Everything I do will have meaning because my relationship with Christ means something to each aspect of my life.
And if my days and my weeks are integrated I will have found authenticity. My character won’t be in flux depending on circumstances. My words will be honest. My actions consistent. Sure, there will be bad moods induced by late nights and not enough coffee. There will be times when my guard is up and I may be reluctant to talk. There will be times when my guard is down and my words are spewed unfiltered. I won’t be perfect. Mistakes are guaranteed. But I will be real. If you know me, you will know my heart.
This is my mission statement. My lifelong goal. Thinking about living this way thrills me to the core.
But along with it comes a degree of sheer terror. If these are the objectives I orient my life toward accomplishing there will be so much hard to encounter.
Because if I’m whole I will have to deal with hurts headfirst. No longer can I hide mistakes and mask my imperfections. I will be forced to admit where I’m wrong, to expose my vulnerabilities, to be weak in front of others. I won’t be able to receive the healing and vitality of Christ if I am patching up my wounds and weaknesses with band aids and pretending to be ok.
And if I allow what I believe about Christ and His calling on my life to integrate and unify all the pieces of my life, I will have to pull myself up and do the hard things, or the boring things, or the inconvenient things because I’ll remember that all ground is sacred. The ordinary tasks of the day, be it washing dishes or exercising my body or preparing sack lunches, these will be treated as holy assignments.
And that idealized concept of authenticity? It will drive me to hard conversations that I would rather avoid. It will push me to move beyond mood swings or trying circumstances. As scary as it will be, authenticity necessitates the removal of pretense, the unveiling of my true self.
It won’t be easy. I know this. But I also know the world needs people like this. There are enough fake people to go around. There is plenty of dysfunction cowering under the guise of put together lives. The world is aching for real people, for genuine encounters and honest heart sharers, as messy and hard as it will be. Yes, it would be much easier if I maintained my disposition at all times, and focused on the image I was putting forth. But until I choose this harder path, my work for the Kingdom will remain impotent, flat, and lifeless.
So here’s to the renewal of this quest. Onward and upward we go, towards lives that are whole, integrated, and authentic. Soli deo gloria.